A Chinese Wedding in Singapore

Some months ago, David bought home an envelope addressed to the family. I opened it and found a card that seemed to say HoHo HoHo on it. I asked what that was and he told me to turn it round. Ah, of course, now all was clear. It was something in Chinese writing. But what? It turned out to be an invitation to us all to the wedding of one of David's staff, Wyne, and his girlfriend Jan.


We'd known they were planning a wedding as they'd recently bought an apartment together. Here, if a couple get a place together, they can't live there out of wedlock indefinitely, but have to marry within 3 months. They had moved in and gone through an interesting set of rituals as Jan's mother is very traditional. No sooner had they cleaned the place from top to bottom that the mid autumn festival started and Jan's mother insisted they thrown rice all over the place amongst other rituals.

Finally the day of the wedding arrived. We had been invited to an evening event, a formal (and legal) ceremony with a dinner for about 200 guests. The children had been invited too, but after much deliberation, we decided not to take them as it was a Sunday night and wouldn't finish until after 10pm.

Wyne then invited us to the daytime events which he hoped the children would find fun and interesting, as they were missing out later.

This involved us arriving at Jan's parents house at 9am in the morning, when Wyne arrived with a group of close friends known as "the brothers". He arrived at the bride's parent's house to collect the bride but, as is the custom here, he has to prove himself to get in through the door. This involved performing a number of tasks set by Jan's close friends "the sisters".

On arrival, he offered a large and decorated red envelope (ang pow) of money to the bride's mother. This was taken in, then returned "not enough". Oranges were offered and then the sisters set various tasks that included drinking a cup of vinegar. This was all conducted with much hilarity and increased Ang Pow offerings and finally, after about 20 or 30 minutes he got into the house.


However, this was not the end as further tasks awaited him inside. These included eating a chili sandwich and some other offerings that didn't look too tasty, then he was given a test on Jan. Questions included asking her home phone number (which he failed miserably as he always calls her mobile) and then he was asked her favourite bra colour. He innocently claimed he wouldn't yet know that but one of the brothers said "bra colour? I think we need to discuss" and they went into a giggling huddle. Finally, he had to make a 15 word sentence that told Jan why he wanted to marry her. However, he then had to find the first letter of each word and place them in order - the letters were tiny macaroni letters and I think a number had been removed to make the task harder still! With "assistance" and ideas from the brothers, they finally put something together and after ascertaining which closed door Jan was behind, he said his sentence and the door was eventually opened.

Once they were united, everyone got in their cars and drove off to Wyne's place (30 minutes away) for a tea ceremony there, hosted by his parents. There were photos taken and as we had the only children there (this was a smaller event with about 30 people rather than 200), they were asked to sit on the bed. Apparently this helps with fertility. Adam was then asked to jump up and down and roll about on the bed which he duly did and was photographed - this is to assist the production of a son for them. Unfortunately, Hannah refused to do this solo for the photographer, so having a girl may now be harder for them!



Next was a traditional tea ceremony where the younger generation show respect to various members of the older generation and kneel down and pass them tea to drink. After this Jan changed out of her white dress and into a traditional red and gold chinese style dress. There was a small buffet and then it was all back in the cars and back to Jan's parents place for her family's tea ceremony and another buffet. The whole thing was over by about 2pm and various friends and family had kindly explained the proceedings to us, and expressed surprise that our traditions were so different. At this point, with the traditions done, Wyne and Jan were considered married, however they still needed to do the legal ceremony later.

That evening, we headed back to a far flung country club which turned out to be the wedding capital of Singapore. Numerous function rooms were hosting weddings and we finally found the right function room. We were checked off on the list and we put our wedding gift (an ang pow) into the box and were then let in and given a drink. David found the menu and read it out to me. I thought he was winding me up with some of it, except that I didn't think he would come up with "Braised Sea Cucumber with Fish Maw" or "Marinated Jelly Fish" etc.

We went to admire a spectacular wedding cake only to find it was cardboard. The tradition has come here and they even posed as if cutting it, but they are not big cake eaters, so they don't go to the trouble of a real one!


With everybody sitting down, the bride and groom finally came in and the legal ceremony was conducted, not dissimilar to a short registry office do (although instead of "I do" they both said "yes" which somehow sounded rather odd!).


After, the room was plunged into darkness and then loud, dramatic music began. The waiting staff came in with platters and as they walked to each table, lights lit up the way ahead. Finally all the staff and starters had arrived and the lights were back on. We could see again and the food was placed on a lazy susan on the table. It was, certainly beautifully presented, but below I've put in a photo of the menu. Just double click to enlarge it.



All I can say is that whilst some dishes were very nice, like the chicken. Jelly fish is akin to rubber bands and in an attempt to show willing, we both tried things that wouldn't normally be our first choice, and will probably never eat again! I'm so glad the pudding had ice-cream with it though, as I'm not sure I'd have managed much of that without.

Once the meal was finished, Wyne and Jan visited every table for photos and, in Wyne's case, some dubious offerings of drinks, and there were some toasts. The toast is "Yam Sing". Everyone starts a long, drawn out Yam then, suddenly, after 2 or 3 minutes, as if by some magic timing, there is a short Sing and glasses are drained. It went something like "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaam Sing" and it sort of translates to bottoms up and after a few of these and yet another outfit for Jan, the wedding was over. The bride, groom and parents all made a reception line and greeted everyone on the way out and we filed out with the other guests.


We'd been at a table with the other office staff who had explained various points and been astonished at the differences we found to British weddings. These became apparent when we had no idea was to expect or what was going on at times. However, as the venue was so large, one guest at our table had gone to the wrong function room. She'd been photographed arriving and only when her name wasn't on the guest list as she waited to put her ang pow in the box, did it become apparent that she was at the wrong wedding! At least we didn't make that mistake!



It's certainly an event we won't forget in a hurry and it's always interesting, if slightly daunting at times, to get the opportunity to attend a local traditional event, so we are grateful to Wyne and Jan for inviting us and including us in their day.


This is a photo of the first of the Tea Ceremonies with Wyne, Jan and Wyne's parents.